Tuesday, September 20, 2011

How are you doing?

The question has been floating around to everyone. The honeymoon period is over and we are ALL feeling it, teachers, administrators, and students alike. I have been impressed by all involved, and let down by all involved. Its a very complex emotion :) I have cried, and laughed, and bitched, and really any thing that can be done to express emotion I have done sans murder, and trust me, the thought has crossed my mind.

Friday was my breaking point. I went home, took a long hot bath, and drank TWO glasses of wine, a big deal in my little light weight world. Why did I do this? Because I am not used to feeling behind. The biggest adjustment for me thus far has that there is no fluff time, not filler, no break from the constant need of my attention and my academic brain. I'm constantly working all day long, in class, during my planning period, and after school. Part of the biggest problem I'm sure I have mentioned is our accreditation that will take place in 13 days and counting if my math is correct. Friday is our first Student Council event, and everything is going together about as well as a square peg in a round hole.

So how do you counteract feeling totally behind? My initial reaction was to go into school on Sunday and get all caught up. Go lesson plan, grade papers, clean my room, get ahead. But, this hasn't been working for me. Its what I have done EVERY single Sunday since school started. So if I identify that what I'm doing isn't working, then screw it! Going in on Sunday's have made me feel more behind. I get caught up and then fail, get caught up then fail, so forget it!

Accepting that being behind is ok was magical. For my weekend instead, I spent Saturday with Thane in beautiful downtown Phoenix, I spent Sunday with myself relaxing, seeing the new Harry Potter film, and ONLY doing things for me. Monday I felt a little frantic, but it felt good to feel frantic with a reason behind it versus great I have failed again. I'm not good with failure, most teachers aren't. We take the time to pour our hearts and souls into what we do, exchanging our knowledge and passion for passive responses, and sometimes meaningful conversation. Failure is hard, but I'm going to accept it. The only way to improve is to assume that nothing is as perfect as I want it to be, accept, modify and move on :)

Cheers to my friends, family and fellow teachers. I'm off to another pile of grading!

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