Weight of the World

Two things are off of my plate. The parent meeting and prom.

The parents meeting for the trip went well, and the parents did exactly what I needed them to, which is to give me constant positive affirmation that what I am saying makes sense to them. That may sound immature or stupid, but in all honesty I didn't become a teacher to talk to parents or adults, I became a teacher to work with kids. I may be hella good at my job, but that doesn't make talking with parents any easier. When I do not get those positive head nods, I start to talk more and more, and then I don't breathe, and then I'm fifteen years old giving a presentation in Mrs. H's STUPID World History class where I couldn't breath I was so nervous. *GAH* I really do hate that part of my job.

Anyway, in addition to it all, I somehow survived my first prom, and I'm SO glad that I did. It was a beautiful event, the weather did exactly what it needed to do, and as my boss would say "Many hands makes light work" (he's from Texas if you couldn't tell). I truly enjoy working for him, for no other reason than because he is a real person.

But more than that, I enjoy working at my job because of my students. Those kids are FUNNY! Today's highlight before I sign off, was an entire discussion on Emperor's in the Roman Empire and Star Trek. To be more specific, we were deciding which emperor's wore red suits, and were therefore expendable, and which emperors wore red and gold suits. Apparently, this was a very effective way of discussing emperors.

On that note, keep fighting the good fight my fellow teachers, and may the odds ever be in your favor ;)

THAT Skill

When in life do we learn the skill to work with another human being? Not just see someone and talk with them, but work with them. Know their movies. When in life do we get to a place where we can look out for each other? Today at work my students took the PLAN test. In general, proctoring a test is an easy assignment; read the directions, sit, monitor the time, read the directions, sit, monitor the time, rinse and repeat.

This was not my job today. My room was simply a house, a place to put these students, and the college counselor who also seems to double as a test coordinator was running this lovely exam. I have enjoyed working along side her, to the point where the fact that she is even going on my trip with me as my other female chaperon is not freaking me out. I'm not sure if its her, or a point in life you reach, but that ability to look at someone's face and read their lips, know what they need from you without uttering an actual verbal word, I wonder, when do we gain that skill?

I Was Reminded

I was reminded last night, at our student council Coffee House event, of this poem. One of our teachers, a man of thirty plus years of teaching got up, and read this to parents, students, and administrators. At the end, the teachers stood to give this gentleman a standing ovation for reminding us why we do what we do. I thought therefore I would share this so that you too in these last few months of school can remember why you do what you do. 

What Teacher Make
By Taylor Mali


The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He says the problem with teachers is, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"
He reminds the other dinner guests that it's true what they say about teachers:
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.

I decide to bite my tongue instead of his
and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests
that it's also true what they say about lawyers.

Because we're eating, after all, and this is polite company.

"I mean, you're a teacher, Taylor," he says.
"Be honest. What do you make?"

And I wish he hadn't done that
(asked me to be honest)
because, you see, I have a policy
about honesty and ass-kicking:
if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional medal of honor
and an A- feel like a slap in the face.
How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence. No, you may not work in groups.
No, you may not ask a question.
Why won't I let you get a drink of water?
Because you're not thirsty, you're bored, that's why.

I make parents tremble in fear when I call home:
I hope I haven't called at a bad time,
I just wanted to talk to you about something Billy said today.
Billy said, "Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don't you?"
And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen.

I make parents see their children for who they are
and what they can be.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids wonder,
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write, write, write.
And then I make them read.
I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely
beautiful
over and over and over again until they will never misspell
either one of those words again.
I make them show all their work in math.
And hide it on their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you got this (brains)
then you follow this (heart) and if someone ever tries to judge you
by what you make, you give them this (the finger).

Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true:
I make a goddamn difference! 

What about you?

Exam Week - End of 3rd Quarter

I cannot believe that its the end of 3rd quarter. The last year has flown by. In all the confusion, the chaos, and the lack of cohesion its actually just moved so quickly. My trip to Italy is finally coming together, and with that comes the pure fear that it will all far apart. So far, so good. My "i"s are dotted and my "t"s are crossed. Last things to do: Find a hotel room in Italy for the last night before boarding the plane, Find bus companies to take us around. So okay maybe its not ALL put together. And yes, I should be doing those "last few details" now but my brain is fried. I've been grading and working on my novel non stop. Having a person life has been refreshing and rejuvenating, but it has always come at a cost for the world of teaching. Its hard to have a personal life, hobbies, when still being a new teacher.

So why did I do it you may be thinking? I'm smart enough, knowledgeable enough, have in theory BEEN a first year teacher before. I did it because I know so much that that burn out was worth avoiding. When I finally reach that burn out, when I finally reach the end of my rope, I find that I have to do something OTHER than working on teaching. Not lesson planning, not grading, not goal setting, and NOT sitting around not working which is really just me stressing about work. No. Writing this novel provides the escape I need and it provides me little tiny escapes in the grand sceme of things. Because in the grand sceme of things, everything is about to change.

In the next sixty days, really everything will change. Personally I will be one more year older. Twenty-six has been a year of lots of change, lots of turmoil, lots of teachers, but professionally has been amazing. I am using my wishful thinking and the power of positive thinking to tell myself that twenty-seven will be a fantastic year both professionally AND personally. Wouldn't that be a change of pace ;)

Professionally the changes will be that my students and I will have left for, gone on, and returned from our tour of Italy. Having never traveled internationally before I couldn't be happier about this upcoming experience. We will have survived prom, we will have survived elections, we will be well into our end of the year portfolios and portfolio presentations. Year books will be signed and we will be preparing for our FIRST ever graduation. In a way, its amazing how much WILL change in the next sixty days. The scary part is, with all the guaranteed change, how much will still change that I have NO idea about!

Its March

I can't believe so many months have gone by and I have neglected both of my blogs in the meantime. What has happened thus far?

Well being a new teacher means exactly that, being a new teacher. I am unsure why being a new teacher is so hard, but it is in fact one of the more awful things I have experienced. FYI, teachers who have been at the same school all their lives, STAY! Being a new teacher was no fun the first time, and the second time you see the injustice in it all. I am frustrated that things have stayed as busy as they have. The only benefit, something I have actually stated to my boss, is well thank god I'll at least know what to expect next year. I am hoping, no I am praying, that next year go more smoothly than this year.

Student Council has been a pain, but I'm actually looking forward to staying on one more year so that we can have a better year next year than we have had this year. In fact, I am even contemplating taking it on all by myself. This year myself and another woman have worked to keep it going, but in truth she has been miserable doing it from day one it seems. I however am not that miserable and I wonder how bad running things on my own REALLY would be.

Pro: I get the stipend for myself.
Con: I don't have anyone to talk to at the event.
Pro: With only one person on SC then other teachers would have to show up, its actually a duty that we have assigned to us at the beginning of the year.
Con: If someone bails on me, I would have to cover for them and I'm not good at "telling" on people when they don't do their damn jobs.

Anyway, if you have opinions, please let me know.

I already had my end of the year evaluation with my boss, in fact, it was weeks ago that I had it. I was fascinated that he just sat and listened to me, but I wonder how much he actually cared. Everyone comes across as caring at my school, and for the most part they seem to be genuine people, but then, I can't get a good read on him. His British upbringing gives him a dry sense of humor and an even drier sense of emotion. I truly struggle to see his true self, which is probably why he is the head of an entire school.

I don't have a great note to end this on. I know I will have a job, so that is a plus for the year, but in general I would just like to say that I have missed you all, I've missed my blog, and I hope that this means a turn for myself.

That Time of Year

Its that time of year where nothing seems to go right.

I love NaNoWriMo. Its honestly what is keeping me from crawling into bed, but I just need something to give. At some point this year I have found myself in a position where I think, no, correction, I am CONVINCED that I am neither intelligent enough no qualified enough for the job that I currently have.

Nothing I ever seem to do is right. I seem to screw something up and then I go to the next thing and I screw that up to and.. just ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Today after school I kicked my shoes off, closed the blinds to my classroom, locked the door and sat on the floor. Crying never felt so good. All day I have felt it coming on like a storm brewing and dark clouds moving in. You know it will rain. All of the telltale signs are there; wind, lightening, thunder, but you just keep waiting for the rain to start. That was me today.

A kid thanked me for giving him feedback on his paper. I welled up in tears. My boss told me what I was trying to talk about wasn't what he was interested in talking about. I welled up in tears. Someone asked me if I was doing ok. I welled up in tears.

*deep breath*

Soccer balls and weird hats...

Somedays I feel like this is such a weird place to work.

Friday night, while many were out with friends, and family, at dinner and a movie, or date night with a new attraction, I was at a party with fifty teenagers and their families. The parents drank, we laughed, and spent time together. Student Council was hosting a welcoming party for the Peruvian students. Our president, a wonderful young lady, volunteered her home and her time in order to facilitate this event. Parents brought food and drinks, I brought our portable PA system, and by plugging in an iPod we made a party our of nothing. The students danced and laughed and stayed until the very end. They are truly one of the easiest crowds to entertain, the kind of students who give a refrigerator box to and they make it into a fort, or a space ship, or a boat. They have yet to loose that curiosity and intuition.

Saturday I was on campus at 10am to build a garden with a bunch of Middle Schoolers, because that is what we do here. We build completely organic gardens that will eventually all together break down and be a part of the Earth, the only pieces of the entire raised bed garden that is not compostable is the chicken wire we used to keep it all contained, and the posts that we used to hold up the chicken wire. What amazed me most were the Upper School students who came to help out, even though it was not their project in the first place. They truly look out for each other in multiple grades.

But that is not what is weird about this place. Monday after school, after what was truly a busy weekend,  at about fifteen minutes to the end of the day, we decide as a school to have an American vs. Peruvian soccer match. Why? I'm not sure, but the school, both middle and upper school, head out the to field, and held a match. We passed our jersey's, they warmed up and then, let the game begin. Our division director (my boss) referred the game, in a truly dedicated manner. As I watched him run up and down the side of the field in his dress shoes, khakis and School embroidered polo I was moved by how truly special this place is.

Oh wait, did I mention what was on his head. Hold on, back up. He and the year book teacher had taken the Yearbook students to In-and-Out burger for lunch as a reward for reaching a goal they had set. So as he is running up and down the field he has one hand is on his whistle, and the other hand is on his head in order to keep his In-and-Out burger hat from falling off of his head. Ok, now that you have a much better visual I can continue on.

That is what makes this school what it is and who we are and I for one am thrilled to be a part of it.

Another Sunday

... and here I am at work. Tomorrow begins our accreditation and it couldn't be sooner. The last few weeks have flown by but in a more positive way than a negative one. Since my last post on stress and fear and frustration I have been able to wrap my head more around the way that things are going to be at this school, and thank god for that considering it is already the second of October, YIKES!

The student council event was wonderful! I'm really proud of the students I am working with. September was far too early to plan an event, but it came together which is good since we were unsure up until the event started of how it was going to go. Friday at lunch on the day of the event, the President walked into the room in tears because she thought it was going to be a flop.But a few strands of Christmas lights later, couches pulled in from the surrounding classrooms (did I mention that we all have a couch in our classroom?) and our Movie Night was a hit. Students showed up which is always good and we actually made a profit on the night. Our next stresses for student council is a social event hosted by us for the Peruvian Foreign Exchange students that will be with us for a fifteen days and the Haunted House. More work intensive but with more time to plan, I have faith.

My classes are going along. Every week I have a meeting with my administrator where he asks me superficial questions that I feel like I don't have the right answer to. I feel like he wants some extraordinary blow your mind enlighten your sole kind of answer to "How are classes going?". He sits and waits while I mumble about them going well, that we are moving along. Compared to things at my last school I do not know what I am supposed to say. I have actually started keeping a word document of things that happen in class so that perhaps at some point I will say something that makes it seem like I finally got the right answer.

Planning a trip to go to Greece and Italy though... now that is stressful ESPECIALLY considering the state of affairs on that side of the world. I can't even begin to explain the amount of hours that I have put in already, I don't even think I really want an exact count. At this point, finding an alternative location for the Greece part of the Greece and Italy trip is my newest priority, something else that I feel like I have to have made huge strides on for those meetings with my Director. Oh well, all and all things are doing as well as they can. I try to find time each day to relax, I try not to consume too many glasses of the addictively sweet wine in my fridge, and I try VERY hard to always put my students first, which is the one thing on that list that I truly thing I succeed at :)

Cheers to my friends, family and fellow teachers. I'm off to a pile of work!

How are you doing?

The question has been floating around to everyone. The honeymoon period is over and we are ALL feeling it, teachers, administrators, and students alike. I have been impressed by all involved, and let down by all involved. Its a very complex emotion :) I have cried, and laughed, and bitched, and really any thing that can be done to express emotion I have done sans murder, and trust me, the thought has crossed my mind.

Friday was my breaking point. I went home, took a long hot bath, and drank TWO glasses of wine, a big deal in my little light weight world. Why did I do this? Because I am not used to feeling behind. The biggest adjustment for me thus far has that there is no fluff time, not filler, no break from the constant need of my attention and my academic brain. I'm constantly working all day long, in class, during my planning period, and after school. Part of the biggest problem I'm sure I have mentioned is our accreditation that will take place in 13 days and counting if my math is correct. Friday is our first Student Council event, and everything is going together about as well as a square peg in a round hole.

So how do you counteract feeling totally behind? My initial reaction was to go into school on Sunday and get all caught up. Go lesson plan, grade papers, clean my room, get ahead. But, this hasn't been working for me. Its what I have done EVERY single Sunday since school started. So if I identify that what I'm doing isn't working, then screw it! Going in on Sunday's have made me feel more behind. I get caught up and then fail, get caught up then fail, so forget it!

Accepting that being behind is ok was magical. For my weekend instead, I spent Saturday with Thane in beautiful downtown Phoenix, I spent Sunday with myself relaxing, seeing the new Harry Potter film, and ONLY doing things for me. Monday I felt a little frantic, but it felt good to feel frantic with a reason behind it versus great I have failed again. I'm not good with failure, most teachers aren't. We take the time to pour our hearts and souls into what we do, exchanging our knowledge and passion for passive responses, and sometimes meaningful conversation. Failure is hard, but I'm going to accept it. The only way to improve is to assume that nothing is as perfect as I want it to be, accept, modify and move on :)

Cheers to my friends, family and fellow teachers. I'm off to another pile of grading!

Its been a while...

I apologize that it has been so long since I last blogged. I think about it often, being able to get my thoughts, worries, and concerns on paper, but at the end of the day, I'm exhausted and not sure I have the energy to move.

Instead of updating you on the entirety of my life up until this point, I would like to hit some major points to catch you up.

First of all, I love my job. I have never been so happy to come to work everyday. My colleagues are supportive, and kind hearted. This is not that the people I spent my time with at my last school weren't these things but as an entire group the teachers here are happy to come to work, and are not just collecting a pay check... and here is why.

Working at an Independent school, is a LOT of work. Loads. More than I could ever have imagined. A few things are contributing to this; including an accreditation process that will be underway in three weeks, Back to School Night, happening this evening, and for myself planning a trip internationally to a place I have never been.

What makes it worth it?

I have never had such a kind sweet loving group of kids. Of course I've taught those students before. Many of my favorite students were these kids, they cared about each other, they were thoughtful and inclusive, they were good people at their heart and soul. But every single student who steps through my door, is THAT kind of student. They are caring and passionate about everything they do. They are respectful to each other, their teachers, and the schools property cleaning up after themselves and taking care to make sure that what they have lasts.

Before I have to sign off I would like to say that teaching Freshmen is a whole other animal that I have not experienced. They are wild and crazy and full of wonderful energy. They make me laugh on a truly consistent basis, and have absolutely no filter what so ever. This is a truly impressive group of students and I'm not sure if I would be as happy if it weren't for them.

Post Retreat

For those of you who have never working in an Independent School you will thing we're nuts, for those of you who have, you probably think this is totally normal. Coming from a public school to independent school's has been a complete 180 degree turn around.

For starters, starting school doesn't REALLY mean starting school. Starting school REALLY means going to camp together. That is where we have returned from, in the blistering heat where Phoenix has broken more records than I would like to even think of. It was hot, it was miserable at night, and the kids had an ABSOLUTE ball!!!

Combined with get to know you activities and fun activities the who three days was jam packed with sending the message that we are a community and this is what it means to be in that community, along with we will have fun together and that's ok was an excellent combination and although WE the adults were kind of miserable, the kids made it totally worth the while.

My favorite moment, and the only one I will share to not bore everyone to tears with a play by play account was from the last night that we were at camp. We hosted a talent like show where the students were given a few hours time to prepare and then performed. It was... INCREDIBLE! Given only a few hours notice they stuck their heads together, ensured that EVERYONE was participating in one way shape or form, and they actually put on really good acts. It wasn't just a bunch of students getting up and goofing off, they learned skits and lines, they taught and choreographed dances, and they even wrote their own lyrics to songs including one that three of my freshman girls did to the tune of Rebecca Black's Friday "We're freshman, freshman, everybody wants to be freshman, everybody's looking forward to the first day of school, we're freshman freshman" you get the idea. ADORABLE! But no, that's not my favorite moment.

My favorite moment was when one of the weaker acts got up, by herself, to sing a song that was truly WAY too far outside of her vocal range. No one laughed, no one started conversations, instead they turned on their flashlights held them up in the air and cheered her on by waving them as if it was a 1980's concern with lighters in the air. I was so touched that they wanted to make her feel like a part of the group, like a member of their community, that they would support her. No where in this world have I ever met a group of students who would do something outside of their comfort zone for someone else, I was truly taken aback by it.

Anyway Monday is our opening of school ceremony, and then we will have our first day of classes. Hope all of my teacher friends are doing well at their prospective schools, and  I will see everyone on the flip side of the start of the school year!

Cheers!